US Elections

Batman is a long shot for president, but his candidacy makes a lot of sense

By Jonathan Bradley in Sydney, Australia

27 February 2012

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Well done, Adam Winkler. You've just written the most preposterous post of the entire 2012 election. Considering the lurid depths to which political punditry will sink, this is no easy task. I thought nothing would top the scuttlebutt about Hillary Clinton kicking Joe Biden off the Dem ticket. Yet here we are:

With the Republican presidential nomination still up in the air, the possibility of a brokered convention is looking increasingly likely. Under the party’s rules, the delegates won by Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, and the others in the primaries and caucuses are obligated to vote for their assigned candidate only on the first ballot. If no candidate wins the required number of votes, the delegates can throw their support to anyone. There’s speculation that party insiders, unhappy with the current field, might float the candidacy of someone not now in the race, like New Jersey Governor Chris Christie or Jeb Bush.

While Christie and Bush might be fine candidates, perhaps the Republicans should consider a more inspired and game-changing pick: Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

I'll say it again: Political analysis should be based on sober judgement, not daydreams derived from exciting headlines. In what universe is it considered anything but ridiculous to suggest the GOP should nominate Clarence Thomas as its candidate for president? 

Winkler's piece contains all the hallmarks of fuzzy thinking that drives this sort of ill-conceived punditry. A Thomas pick would "energize" Republicans — as if Tea Partiers have long expressed fervent affection for Supreme Court justices. It would "steal tremendous media attention from President Barack Obama" — as if the press will suddenly decide to stop covering a sitting president running for election. Thomas "could also reasonably cast himself as an outsider to Washington politics" — as if his distance from electoral politics could make up for the fact that he is one of just nine Americans with a lifetime seat in one of the three branches of the United States government!

Perhaps most absurdly of all:

Democrats will find plenty of potentially controversial things in Thomas’s judicial opinions, but even here Thomas has a trump card. Those were not statements of his personal political positions, he can say, but merely interpretations of the law. As a judge, he was obligated to reach certain decisions. As president, he can more freely pursue his own policy agenda.

Uh-huh. Voters are really going to care about that distinction. Right.

Clarence Thomas is an extraordinarily conservative justice. You could probably fit in the chambers of the Supreme Court the number of swing voters who would like the sound of his politics. Not to mention that Supreme Court justices are given lifetime terms specifically so they can make decisions that are potentially unpopular with the public. I doubt any of the current bench could get elected to the White House, even the ones who aren't far out of ideological step with the American population.

And while I'm piling on: the Republican convention will not be brokered, and it almost certainly will not be deadlocked, which is what pundits mean when they say "brokered."

But, hey, if this is what passes for analysis, here's some of my own. If the Republican convention is deadlocked, the party should make an inspired and game-changing pick for its nominee: Batman! Bruce Wayne is tough on crime, independently wealthy, and a patriotic American. He has a strong moral compass, boundless energy, and, thanks to his time serving as CEO of Wayne Enterprises, the kind of real world business experience to boost a struggling economy.

Doubters might point out that Batman is fictional, and that his status as a nonexistent American might make it difficult for him to campaign, appear on a ballot, or — if he won — take the oath of office. But, to paraphrase Adam Winkler:

Yes, it is hard to believe that Batman would ever be the Republican nominee. Then again, most people thought an inexperienced African-American often mistaken for a Muslim could never defeat presumptive nominee Hillary Clinton, much less be elected president.

Yeah. Think about it.

Tags: Batman, Brokered Convention, Bruce Wayne, Clarence Thomas, Deadlocked Convention, Election 2012, Elections, Punditry, Republican National Convention, Republican Party, Republican Primary 2012

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